


Forever, right?

by endspiel



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:13:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25097434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endspiel/pseuds/endspiel
Summary: “It's just - it sucks that you're leaving and I had to get used to that thought. You're doing the right thing, I know that, I'm just going to miss you.”
Relationships: Julian Brandt/Kai Havertz
Comments: 13
Kudos: 49





	Forever, right?

**Author's Note:**

> written after the dfb cup finale. 
> 
> this turned out to be more bromance than romance, but it felt right this way and i suppose you can still find some hints at more romantic feelings. either way, i hope you like it! :)

Kai scored the penalty and a second later the sound of the final whistle rang out. Julian let himself fall against the backrest of the couch with a sigh, running his hand through his hair in frustration, the loss of his former team hurting almost as if it was his own. 

“Oh well”, Jascha muttered. “Sucks, but we knew.” 

“Bullshit”, Jannis said, “they could have made it -” 

Julian ignored the ongoing bickering between his two brothers, staring at the TV. His eyes were scanning the screen for a certain figure and sure enough the camera eventually zoomed in on Kai. Something inside of Julian ached at the sight.

Kai was sitting on the ground, staring ahead without seeming to actually focus on anything. The captain's armband he had received after Lars had been substituted lay abandoned on the grass beside him. 

“Yeez, Kai looks dead inside”, Jascha commented. “They all do”, Jannis answered, but he wasn't even glancing at the TV, he was eyeing Julian. “Are you going to text him?”, he asked softly. 

Julian hesitated, then shook his head. “I don't think he wants that right now.” 

Jannis frowned. “He texted _you_ when -” 

“That was different”, Julian interrupted him. “Round of 16 and not - this.” He gestured at the TV, where the Bayern players were celebrating. “And Kai's difficult when he's upset, you know that.”

“I hate having to talk after losses too”, Jascha chimed in. “Bet he wants no one to bother him right now.” 

“It's Kai”, Jannis argued. “He needs someone to bother him right now, or he'll end up being all caught up in his head. And then he'll just get worse.”

“He has Mitch”, Julian sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. “Kevin, Karim...”

“You”, Jannis muttered.

“I'm not on the team anymore, I'm not any help. And he's not going to answer his phone right now, they're all still on the pitch if you haven't noticed.”

“Yeah, _right now_ ”, Jannis said, rolling his eyes. “He'll read your text on the bus. You always text each other after games, I don't see the problem. Just do it. Or don't, whatever, it's not my business. But you're his best friend, just saying.”

***

Later, Julian was lying in bed, scrolling through Twitter and feeling restless, Jannis' words still echoing in his head. 

It was true that he normally didn't hesitate to text Kai when he had the chance to watch a game, either using their group chat with Mitch or messaging him directly, but right now the situation between them wasn't exactly normal.

They hadn't really talked much during the last weeks, a sudden silence between them that Julian wasn't used to and didn't really know how to abolish. Especially because it was his own fault.

He had started to behave differently towards Kai, the reason being the whole transfer topic. Things were starting to take on form and of course Kai was keeping him updated, as he had asked him to do, but after a while Julian had started to avoid the topic, getting defensive whenever it came up, suddenly not wanting Kai to say anything anymore.

To make it worse, his teammates at Dortmund were just as curious about Kai's future as the press, if less obnoxious about it. And Julian honestly didn't know how to answer the questions that were directed at him all the time.

Of course he knew about Kai's options, but it wasn't as if he was actually involved in Kai's final decision. If he had any real say then Kai would be wearing black and yellow next season. Which wasn't going to happen. Kai had made that one very clear and just like that Julian's hopes had been crushed.

He realised, of course, that he was being unreasonabe, he'd always known about Kai's ambitions and how much the younger one was striving for titles. Still, now that Kai's transfer was actually coming closer, the knowledge seemed to weigh down on him, drowning out all ability to act rational. During their last call, he had been so distant that Kai had actually seemed hurt. Julian had apologised when saying goodbye, something about being in a bad mood, and Kai had said that it was fine, but the tone of his voice had clearly suggested that it wasn't.

Since then, there hadn't been much contact. Julian had typed out a little good luck text before the finale and Kai had responded with a simple _thanks bro_ but somehow Julian could tell that Kai's heart hadn't really been in it.

And now this. Julian groaned when he noticed that this was the fifth time within minutes of him involuntary checking Leverkusen's official Twitter account. He glanced at the time displayed on his phone screen, contemplating. The guys had definitely arrived at the hotel by now, they were probably already in their rooms.

Maybe Jannis was right. 

He could try facetiming Kai. 

Not wanting to overthink it, Julian sat up a little and video called. Kai didn't answer the first time and on his second try Kai straight up declined the call. Julian stared at his phone with furrowed brows, thinking about typing out a message instead, but then his phone started vibrating with an incoming call from Kai and Julian answered relieved.

“Hey, you. No face to face?”

“Better not”, Kai mumbled on the other end of the line, his voice sounding strange. Julian frowned. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm great, I've never been better.”

“Sarcasm doesn't suit you.”

“Oh, sorry”, Kai sneered. “Why are you even calling if you don't like how I'm -”

“Jesus, Kai, you know I didn't mean it like that. It was a stupid question, I just meant - you know what, forget it.”

“Ah. Anything else or can I hang off?”

Kai was lashing out, as he always did when he was upset, and Julian had to remind himself not to rise to the bait. 

“No”, he said calmly, “don't hang off.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I felt like talking to you. We haven't properly talked for weeks.”

“Not my fault”, Kai muttered.

“Yeah, I know. I've been weird to you.”

“Because I won't go to Dortmund.”

Julian closed his eyes. “No. Well, maybe. It's just - it sucks that you're leaving and I had to get used to that thought. You're doing the right thing, I know that, I'm just going to miss you.”

Kai was silent, so Julian kept talking. “I fucked up. You didn't act that way when I left Leverkusen, even though you can't really compare that to the step you're taking, we won't be able to see each other every second week or so, but I get it. This isn't about me. This is your thing, your career and I don't have the right to be upset with you for taking the step you were always going to take eventually. I just got defensive because I didn't know how else to deal with it, I guess I just needed space. I'm sounding so selfish, I'm sorry. You know that I'll support you no matter where you go.”

Kai still didn't say anything and Julian pressed the phone closer to his ear. “Kai?”

“Yeah”, Kai said, and Julian paused at the way the younger one's voice was quivering.

“You're not crying, are you?”

No answer. 

“Kai, hey..”

“I -”, Kai started, and then a sob escaped him, the quiet, broken sound causing Julian's heart to squeeze painfully. “Shit, Kai, what is it? Did I say something wrong?”

Kai actually huffed out a laugh, sniffling. “No, you idiot”, he mumbled. “I thought you're hating me.”

“Wait, what?! Kai, you - you could literally _murder_ someone and I'd help you hiding the corpse, do you seriously think I'd hate you because of a transfer? Because I don't. I don't think I could ever hate you.”

“Thanks”, Kai mumbled. “Fuck, I'm sorry.”

“What for?”

“Just for being like this.”

“It's fine. Really. You had one hell of a day, it's normal to be upset. You can cry, I don't care.”

“It's not only because of today”, Kai admitted. “It fucking sucks and I'm so angry we couldn't get our shit together, I just keep seeing all these moments where we almost scored and I hate it, Jule, I wish I could just turn back the time and try again, I played like shit -”

“Don't think for one second this was on you. It wasn't.”

Kai let out a shuddering breath. “Yeah, whatever. It's not only that we lost. Everything just kinda sucks right now, I still don't know what's going to happen with the transfer and then we weren't talking...”

“I'm sorry”, Julian said. “I was an asshole. But Kai, you'll be okay. It might not seem like it right now, but everything's going to work out. Trust me.”

“I know that. It's just - I'm just tired”, Kai mumbled, and there was a weight to his words that told Julian that Kai didn't only mean it in the physical sense, like one was simply exhaused after a long game.

“Yeah, no wonder”, he said, trying to hide his concern. “The break will do you good. I felt totally washed out too, but now it's better. You'll see.”

“You're in Bremen, right? How's everyone?”

“Pretty good”, Julian answered, starting to talk a little about how he had missed his mother's food, until Kai suddenly yawned. 

Julian snorted. “I'm boring you, huh?”

“You're not. It's just late.”

“We can hang off. You should get some sleep.”

“No”, Kai said, though Julian could hear how he was surpressing another yawn. Then there was a rustling sound and he could almost see Kai crawling under his blanket. “Keep talking”, Kai said quietly, “I've put you on speaker.”

“Too tired to hold your own phone?” 

“Shut it.” 

Julian grinned. “What should I talk about?”

“Bremen”, Kai said. “Or anything. Just no more football.”

Julian understood. He spent the next minutes talking about how his stay at Bremen had been so far, trying to be as elaborate as possible. He was always happy when he got to talk about Nala or the stupid things his brothers got up to and even how much he'd missed his parents and home in general, but he was also determined to distract Kai from his own worries and just give him something to listen to, knowing that this was what Kai needed right now. 

Kai interrupted him not once and he was still silent when Julian finally finished speaking. Julian could hear his quiet breathing through the phone and a fond smile formed on his lips. 

“Still awkake?”, he asked softly.

“Mhm”, the younger one mumbled, although he sounded anything but. 

There was a beat of silence until Kai spoke again, his words so quiet that Julian almost didn't catch them.

“I'll miss you too, you know? Like, really.”

Julian swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “We'll be fine. The duo will live forever, right?”

Kai laughed softly at that, the sound causing Julian's heart to beat a little faster, just because it made him so happy. 

“Yeah”, Kai said, a smile in his voice. “That's right.”


End file.
